Like Parachuting on a Coffee High
by robinfyre
Summary: Kuroo needs to get a better umbrella from Kenma. This one beeps. Or: The AkaKuroo spy au where Yaku is terrifying even when absent, Kuroo and Akaashi are starving Uni students, and Akaashi wants Oikawa's hair.
"Kuroo, your umbrella is beeping."

Akaashi delivers this statement with a bland tone that doesn't do much to stir Kuroo awake. Neither does the subsequent poke he delivers to Kuroo's ribs do anything to rouse him. Papers from his test in Fluid Mechanics and plans for a new infiltration into Datekou territory are scattered around the couch as he carries on oblivious to the now insistent beeping coming from the umbrella in the corner of the room.

Akaashi pokes Kuroo again, this time on his cheek.

"Kuroo. Last time you ignored it you had to apologize to Kenma because you missed your check in."

"Kuroo. I'm not answering it for you."

The umbrella is still beeping. The silence stretches..

"Kuroo. Kuroo."

Kuroo's mouth is slightly open and a soft snore issues from it as if to confirm that Kuroo is really asleep. Akaashi leans over from his side of the couch and shakes Kuroo slightly. When another snore is his only response Akaashi grips his arm and jostles him again. Harder this time.

Kuroo's eyes slowly peel open to show Akaashi leaning over him. A lazy grin slides over his mouth when he sees Akaashi's hand still on his upper arm.

"Hey Akaashi."

"Kuroo." Akaashi's mouth twitches a little, almost involuntarily. "Answer you umbrella."

Kuroo's grin widens and he catches one of Akaashi's retreating hand which is returning to his history paper. "But why should I move when you're right here?"

Ignoring the blush on his cheeks, Akaashi tries to reclaim his hand while Kuroo scoots over to Akaashi's end of the couch, shifting the papers out of his way. The attempt fails but he's not as disappointed as he might be.

"Last time you ignored it Kenma got worried and sent his boyfriend out to 'check' on you. Yaku almost broke our door down. We had splinters in the floor for weeks." He finally gives up on reclaiming his trapped hand and waves his other one towards the umbrella whose beeping has grown more urgent.

Kuroo looks at Akaashi with a straight face and says, "It wasn't that bad. And Yaku was just kitten about the dismemberment."

Akaashi fights a smile and tries to look disapproving both of the pun and taking Yaku lightly. He's a little more worried about the threat that the tiny tactician poses though. Last time Akaashi tried to slip something passed him Yaku had made him do paperwork up to his neck, and run regularpatrols for a month. And Akaashi has a feeling Yaku was going easy on him. If Kuroo makes him come to their apartment again for the same reason, Akaashi doesn't want to contemplate what will happen.

"I don't think he was joking, Yaku doesn't like to get up in the mornings and fowl play is one of his strong suits."

Kuroo laughs and leans closer, bumping his forehead against Akaashi's. "You would protect me right? I don't think I could face an angry Yaku andKenma alone."

Kuroo's eyes are dark and his breath is warm on Akaashi's cheek as he leans even closer. It's unfair that Kuroo can be both that pretty and that smooth. Akaashi's voice is slightly hoarse when he replies, "I suppose those odds are a little unfair."

Kuroo's grin turns sharper and he starts to angle for a kiss-

The moment is interrupted when the beeping from the umbrella kicks up a notch until the noise is less of a beep and more of a shrill whistle, startling them both. Kuroo groans and finally levers himself up from his position on the couch. Akaashi mourns the loss of the warmth on one side but figures it's a fair exchange to stop his eardrums from slowly bleeding to death via what sounds like an angry chicken disguised as a rain cover.

When Kuroo picks up the handle of the umbrella it quiets into a less insistent peep and they both relax in the relative quiet. Kuroo pulls on the handle of the umbrella until it lengthens out and a small button can be seen next to the one to open the canopy. He presses it and activates what is- in Akaashi's opinion- a glorified telephone.

"Cat One here. What's up?" He pointedly ignores Akaashi's small cough at the code name. All of Nekoma's operatives have the same ones, and thanks to Lev Akaashi knows that it was Kuroo not Kenma that thought them up. Akaashi can't say that Owl Two is really better, but that's Bokuto.

Kuroo seems to hear something alarming judging by the way his relaxed slump quickly turns into something full of anticipation and attention. Whoever is speaking finishes what they're saying and Kuroo covers the comm button again with a soft snap.

Akaashi's eyebrows quirk at the sudden tension but he relaxes a little from his own readiness as Kuroo walks over and flops onto his legs instead of sitting down.

"What'd they say?"

"We have another mission." Akaashi's eyebrows raise another fraction and he tangles his fingers into Kuroo's hair in lieu of answering. Kuroo gets the prompt to continue and rolls over until Akaashi's fingers are running through the fringe of hair over his forehead instead. He hums and continues, "Yeah. Seems like some of the crow kids got themselves into trouble in Seijou territory. Daichi called in for help. Kenma's little friend is one of the ones in danger so he wants us to go after him."

Well that explained why they were getting the mission at least. Akaashi takes a second to mourn the history paper that he'll have to beg another extension for. He wouldn't give the job up just to have set due dates, but his professors are getting suspicious and he's only halfway through the new term. He'd at least like to graduate with his reputation intact.

Akaashi makes an interested noise at the news and Kuroo makes a face at him.

"Of course you're interested in it when I mention Seijou. What was it that you had against Oikawa again?"

Akaashi's brows turn down and he sighs. "Kuroo, I don't have anything against Oikawa." He can see Kuroo's denial already on his lips so he continues, "We only disagreed on a few small points last time we encountered each other. Besides, there is no possible way he can get his hair to look that good without something. All natural. Right."

Akaashi thinks of days when he was a teenager, trying to tame the random curls that would fly from his head and grits his teeth at Oikawa's effortless beauty. He'll figure out his hair care routine some day and then they'll see whose hair can still look perfect even though they chased him through a swamp and the red light district of a whole town in the pouring rain- So maybe he's a little bitter.

Kuroo stifles a snort and gets up from the couch again. "Kenma and Yaku want us down at base so they can brief us before we head out. If we get there early we might even catch Bokuto on his way to Tsukishima's."

Both of them are eager to see their friend after weeks of missions in separate territories and near misses at base, so Akaashi is quick to stand up and start retrieving his gear which is scattered around the room. Within a few minutes both of them are discreetly kitted out in mesh and enough tech to have its own set of paperwork. (Akaashi would know. He and Kuroo had to fill it out. Twice.)

They head for the door and when they reach it Akaashi turns and presses a soft kiss to Kuroo's mouth. He determinedly doesn't blush like he did the first few times he had tried that.

"Let's go."

Kuroo's grin is wicked as he opens the door. "After you."

They step out together.

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Crossposted to Ao3. If there was something you liked particularly, please leave a review!


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